I’ve been struggling with Paul lately. Actually, let me take that back (when ‘writing’ on the computer, I’ve pondered how easily you can retract a thought you believe to be a mistake in your writing. When writing with pen and parchment, you can never fully erase what’s been written. You can white it out or scratch it out, but it never goes away. There’s a beauty, I think, in recognizing and being able to see the process played out…). I’ve thought a good amount about Paul lately. It seems when anyone wants to make some sort of relevant point as to why you should think a particular way or why you should or shouldn’t do a particular thing, Paul is brought up. “Well, Paul said….” My reaction is always just kind of, “well…that’s good for Paul.”

I remember when I stopped thinking of David as a moral authority, a life after whom’s everyone should model theirs. It was ridiculously refreshing and removed scales from my eyes like I could have never imagined. I began to see the beauty of David’s honesty. He yelled, he screamed, he kicked and fought. He lavished the Father in worship and love and questioned him for ‘forsaking’ his side.

So what do I get out of seeing David as a person rather than a mythical deity? I get an honest look. I don’t necessarily proclaim that, “well David said God forsook Him so I suppose He would and could forsake you too.” I see his naked and raw emotion which motivates me to be naked and raw before God. I don’t have to put on cloaks and outfits to look like anything. I can be honest with myself and with Him because in reality, He already knows. Pretending I can hide my feelings and words from Him only creates a rift from my point of view, through my looking glass. You know when you believe someone to have an issue with you? That ‘issue’ may not even exist, but because you believe it to exist, you see every interaction with trepidation in your perception. You create something out of nothing; you create an issue. By understanding who David is, by seeing his faults, by seeing Him scream at God in some instances, and knowing that even still he was ’ a man after God’s own heart’ helps me believe that God, my father, no matter how many obscenities I scream at Him (or his kids), still sees me as precious, a man after his heart. 

At the moment, when I read something which Paul has written that I don’t like, I just write it off or get angry or close my bible or forget that I read it. But maybe I should look at Paul the way at look at David…as a person.

“When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man can be a Christian.” -Henri Nouwen